I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
