the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
