If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
