My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
