i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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