just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm always down for nudity.
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