so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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