Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
