i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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