the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
