why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
