Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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