I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
