Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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