He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
