Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
its liver damage thursday
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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