And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
