Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
