Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
