TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
