textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
