If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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