'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
