I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
