In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
