i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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