Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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