thus making me awesome and them whores
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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