How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
