I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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