We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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