i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
