My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
