my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
