if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
