I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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