Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
