On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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