I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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