Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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