this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize