thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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