I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
