Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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