The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize