Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize