Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
