How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Houston, we have a blender
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
