woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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