I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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