You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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