Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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