dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
