i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
