I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
