and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She even gives head with a lisp.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
