i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
