This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
