I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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