my sisters under your porch take her home
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
