One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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