Christians are straight up FREAKS
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
