There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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