I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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