I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
