one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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