I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
