Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
